Rape isn’t about uncontrollable sexual desire. You only have to listen in on a Call of Duty game to see that. When that kid crows, “I raped you!”, he’s not calling the other guy sexy; he’s saying he defeated him, dominated him, humiliated him. That’s what rape is about, and that should scare you.
gonna reblog this till I stop tumbling
Domestic Violence and Male Victims
So, as I’m sure most of the people reading this are aware, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, so I’ve decided to make a post about it.
Before sitting to write this post, I decided to take a trawl through the Domestic Violence tag, of the posts I saw over the roughly 10 pages I looked through, I saw a split between stories of DV experiences, and posts about DVAM.
Of those posts talking about DVAM, and DV Awareness in general, I saw an overwhelming majority citing statistics regarding the rate at which women experience DV, and groups that can be contacted for help getting out of an abusive relationship.
Now, when I say majority, of the posts seen about 60% were about awareness in the tag, and of that 60%, I think about 4 or 5 posts I saw talked about how men are also victims of DV.
Obviously, I see this as a big issue, and no, it’s not an issue because I think that female victims of DV should receive less support , it’s an issue because male victims are receiving next to none.
In the UK, statistics from the Home Office for 2004-05 revealed that about 40% of the victims in DV cases were men, in 2006-07 men made up 43.4% of the victims, in 2007-08 men made up 45.5% of victims, and in 2008-09 they made up 37.5% of victims.
To some those might be startling statistics, many people are in the dark in regards to just how many men are victims of DV every year as it is something that is regularly portrayed as something that women overwhelmingly are subject to, with men, overwhelmingly as the perpetrators.
So, we can see that in the UK, ~40% of all reported victims of DV were men, yet there is a disparity in support systems available to male victims.
At the publishing of the report, it is shown that there are ~7,500 spaces in refuge centres available for women, and a maximum of 83 for men, with 60 of these only being available if not being used by women, making a total of 23 dedicated spaces for men in refuge centres.
So, what we’ve seen is that men are making up ~40% of DV victims, but only 1.09455360675% of the available spaces in refuge centres cater to male victims of DV, and this is only if all spaces are available, that percentage is the high end, if the 60 spaces made available only when not being used by women weren’t available, we are looking at 0.3033100356% of available refuge spaces catering to men.
This second percentage is in fact the percentage of refuge spaces dedicated to use by men.
That is a startling large disparity, between 0.3% and 1% of spaces are supposed to cater to 40% of the victims? It’s simply not acceptable. Male victims are being failed.
In terms of actual campaigns to raise awareness of men being victims of DV, I can only recall one in the UK, compared to the myriad we see raising awareness for female victims of DV.
This huge divide in campaigning for awareness only helps to fuel the lack of reporting to the police from men who are victims of DV, when all you see are ads for women to leave their abusers, and for charities that support women who are victims of DV, it paints DV as something that only affects women, it attaches a stigma to male victims of DV, which is horrible, it results in more men continuing to suffer in silence as they are being abused.
However, I feel there’s another aspect at play in regards to men reporting DV, and that is how we are socialised, and how society and media shows attacks on men in a domestic setting by women.
How often do we see or hear or read about women breaking down, or getting angry etc. and hitting a man, be it slapping him, punching, kicking etc. ?
Men and boys are being socialised to see this as just something men have to deal with, something that just happens. It’s not acceptable, why should we be teaching our boys and men that if a woman hits you, no matter the setting, but especially in a domestic setting out of frustration or anger, that you deal with it, but we tell our Women and Daughters, if a man so much as lays a single finger on you for any reason, you report him to the police, you get rid of him and never look back?
Why are we pushing a double standard when it comes to violence?
If you are going to argue “Well, a man can hit harder than a woman/Men are stronger” I’m going to have to call the loudest, and most prolific bullshit on you.
To attempt to excuse a woman hitting a man, because it’d be worse if a man did it to a woman is disgusting, and it’s because it’s not about how much physical damage is done in the attack, it’s because it’s about the fact that one person hit another.
When the person that hits you is supposed to be the person who loves you it makes it even worse - what does it matter that a woman hitting her husband/boyfriend doesn’t do as much damage? The fact of the matter is that she is hitting him, she is being abusive.
It’s not the damage that matters, it’s the act.
So that’s why I’ve written this post, I want to do what small amount I can to help raise awareness for male victims of Domestic Violence I want people to realise that men are being hurt by DV too, and that they’re not some tiny percentage of victims.
If you are currently in a Violent relationship, all I can do is urge you to contact someone for help, talk to who you can, go to the police, and get out as quick as you possibly can!
Here are some resources for male victims of domestic violence in the UK:
Why are people always surprised when I try to tell them that victims of stalking or domestic violence can be in major danger when they go to work?
TRIGGER WARNING-domestic violence & stalking
Regardless of said victim’s job, the act of going to work can be deadly. It’s the one place a stalker/abuser knows you will always show up at eventually. Getting from the parking lot to the building is a risk. Working somewhere that doors aren’t always locked is a risk. Working somewhere that is ‘open’ & accessible is a risk. Trying to work & always keep a lookout-just in case-is exhausting.
Over the past few years I’ve lost bookings & jobs because of the fact that I needed ‘extra’ security to stay ‘safe’, & that sometimes I had to change plans last minute & cancel trips, etc. People don’t want to hire the girl that has ‘safety issues’. The person I was trying to stay ‘safe’ from knew that I would lose work, & I would lose the ability to travel to certain places. It was boxing me into a corner & finding ways to mess with my income. And that’s part of the game.
If a person has a protective order, it is all on the victim to keep themselves ‘safe’ & ‘protected’. I’m sorry, but somebody that is trying to keep themselves ‘safe’ shouldn’t have to spend 24/7 looking over their shoulder because they know nobody will ‘help’ until something awful happens.
Rape is the only crime on the books for which arguing that the temptation to commit it was too clear and obvious to resist is treated as a defence. For every other crime, we call that a confession.
I’ve gotten more angry asks about this post than I have actual reblogs.
I literally put my coffee down, stared at the screen and said “Holy shit…”
this is still my favorite post ever
Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.
Of fucking course
What sick bastard doesn’t
"You’d be surprised", said Xaldien, who just lost four followers and received a lovely "men can’t be raped" anon shortly after reblogging this the first time.
No one should be raped - it’s a violation of someone’s body. If you don’t think that’s bad, get the hell out of here